This next fortune was actually my first Unfortunate Cookie, I just figured I'd save it for when the time is right. What is the time right now, you ask? Right o'clock.

The Unfortunate

There is not too much that is unfortunate about this. It is actually quite fortunate that a man who spends all day writing fortunes, that could be applied to any person's current situation, STILL has the time to turn on the tele and learn about how Popeye's digestive system works. Eating spinach results in growing abnormally large forearms and half of a "bitter beer face". I wonder what could be next in line for pop culture references in fortune cookies - "Eat your beets, and you'll grow giant glasses and a middle hair part like Dwight Schrute."

The Fortunate

While "eat your vegetable" is not proper English, the typist does prove a point - Popeye only eats one vegetable...and nothing else. So, hear that kids? Stop exercising (it still takes me 17 tries to spell that word right, don't laugh at me) and stop dieting. Eat nothing but spinach, and you will absolutely no problem picking up skinny white girls with annoying voices.