Following a 3 month hiatus (during which I discovered pork egg foo yung, and decided that I should limit myself to one fat and cholesterol-ridden mound of delicious pork, egg, and gravy per year), I have decided to return to the "blogosphere". I still can't believe that is a real word.


The Unfortunate
Can an inanimate form of punctuation succeed at accomplishing a task for its own well-being? I don't think so, unless this "question mark" refers to one's own conflicts or decisions in life. Even so, how does a conflict succeed? This is most likely a case of the typist having absolutely no common knowledge about the functionality of the English language. I'd like to apply for the position of "Assistant to the (thank you Rainn Wilson) fortune editor" to make sure this doesn't happen again. On second thought, I'm not willing to sacrifice the reputation of my blog for a dead-end job!

The Fortunate
On the topic of punctuation, the typist could have left out a period himself! Here's the scenario (work with me here): I have three friends (hypothetically), Mark Smith, Mark Jones, and Mark Steinberg (its good to have some fellow Jew friends). All three of these men are climbing a mountain using only their noses and knees (in a hypothetical situation, anything is possible!). I ask myself, "Are all of them going to make it to the top?" Luckily, a member of the NKMCA (Nose and Knees Mountain Climbing Association) was next to me and blurted out to me "Your present question? Marks are going to succeed!" Ooooooor maybe they all just finished eating peaches, and needed to "suck seed" in order to get the very last tiny peach pieces out. There's no use letting all that extra peach go to waste...

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Don't Forget!
I am only lucky enough to be presented with so many unfortunate cookies. If you or anybody you know has one that you'd like to submit, send a picture to:

jondegen@gmail.com

You will not be disappointed when my words of wisdom (ha...) let you know what your fortune really means.

This next fortune was actually my first Unfortunate Cookie, I just figured I'd save it for when the time is right. What is the time right now, you ask? Right o'clock.

The Unfortunate

There is not too much that is unfortunate about this. It is actually quite fortunate that a man who spends all day writing fortunes, that could be applied to any person's current situation, STILL has the time to turn on the tele and learn about how Popeye's digestive system works. Eating spinach results in growing abnormally large forearms and half of a "bitter beer face". I wonder what could be next in line for pop culture references in fortune cookies - "Eat your beets, and you'll grow giant glasses and a middle hair part like Dwight Schrute."

The Fortunate

While "eat your vegetable" is not proper English, the typist does prove a point - Popeye only eats one vegetable...and nothing else. So, hear that kids? Stop exercising (it still takes me 17 tries to spell that word right, don't laugh at me) and stop dieting. Eat nothing but spinach, and you will absolutely no problem picking up skinny white girls with annoying voices.

I haven't blogged this much since my LiveJournal of '05! Don't worry, reading about fortune typos is a whole lot more entertaining than reading about a 16-year-old's problems.

The Unfortunate

When I was about yea high, I had way more trouble spelling "failure" than "least". However, if the fortune spelled "least" correctly, and began with "failiure," it would not be nearly as amusing (You don't know how hard it is to resist correcting the spelling of that word seeing the automated red squigglies underneath it).

B-T-Dubs, this fortune is already a well known inspirational quote. Seriously typist, what a cop out. You might as well have written "May the force be with you." Actually, that would've been amazing.

The Fortunate

I don't know many people who lease cars. If you REALLY need to have a new car, then buy one that can get you from point A to point B, and be happy with it! In my opinion, the same goes for persistence. In order to get what you want in life, you need to be persistently persistent. If you want to learn how to play guitar, get a job, or try to get your blog noticed by more than just your friends, the people that only LEASE persistence will end up down the road to failure. Try buying next time.

Side thought: My mom has two sisters who argue all the time. They both have valid points, but no matter how much they try to persuade the other that they're right, they stand by their ideals. If you want to rent them out for a couple of months, just let me know that you are interested in leasing persist-aunts.

Hey you! Eat more cookies!

Unfortunately, I cannot single-handedly provide a constant flow of fortunes without eating way more chinese food than i'd like to. Please refer to the graph below.

This is why I need YOU to submit your own unfortunate cookies to me. If you are lucky enough to find a fortune with any sort of typo, word mix-up, or a fortune that just sounds funny, please e-mail a photo of it to the address below:

jondegen@gmail.com

I'll post your fortune and try my best to humiliate the typist (who I highly doubt is reading this anyway), and give some new meaning to it!

After a long day of classes and rehearsals, nothing beats picking up a movie from the RedBox and chowing down on some chow mein...that is unless the movie is "The Invention of Lying", and the message inside of your dessert reads as follows:

The unfortunate

A fortune cookie is barely enough of a dessert for one person, let alone two...not to mention the fact that two people usually prefer indulging on their own cookie. This being said, why take the risk of writing a fortune meant for a couple?

The fortunate

Now, most people have a couple sides to them (excluding 2-dimensional drawings of people, who are only fortunate enough to have one side). Usually, theres a side most people see and think about you, and the side that you and maybe your closest friends know about. If these two sides aren't in harmony, this could present some conflict. One may be in a "self-argument" with their respective other side; one side lying to the other about who they really are. When there is a true and sincere friendship between you both, its easier to be yourself. This way, when your friends start raving about how good The Invention of Lying was, you don't have to lie to them about how you really feel about that unfortunate waste of an all-star cast.

My first unfortunate cookie followed a sub-par Hong Kong style roast port with brown rice. Kind of disappointing; the roast pork from this place is usually killer...

The unfortunate

The stereotypical replacement of R's and L's and vice versa whilst speaking with a Chinese accent changed "present" to "pleasant". The complete altering of the spelling of the latter half

of the word forces me to question this fortune writer's literacy in general.

The fortunate

What time is "the pleasant?" This could be the time of day when you come home from work and relax, it could be when you meet up with your best friends and crack open a beer, or it could be when you open up a fortune cookie just to find an embarrassing typo. Whatever time of day "the pleasant" may be for anybody, there truly is no time like the pleasant.

On the other hand, the typist could've left some punctuation out: "There is no time. Like the pleasant." You don't have enough time in the day to worry about the things that make you feel like you want to throw a $600 Blu-Ray player with a copy of "The Mask 2: Son of the Mask" out the window of a 16 story building. Enjoy the pleasant things in life, like watching the original "The Mask." Seriously, what were they thinking by making a sequel...